tiffanyrafanan's Journals on Buzznet

Tumblr?

tiffanyrafanan — 2009-12-23T12:27:00Z

I have a tumblr now, seems as if buzznet & twitter is getting neglected by me. Ha, oh wells.

Follow me?

http://ohninetenohnine.tumblr.com/

Thanks.

Hold It.

tiffanyrafanan — 2009-12-11T17:47:00Z

I'm not sure on how life works but, I have a pretty good damn idea on how my life does.Here I am, feeling like this.Beating myself up on faults that were created by you and I. These are the feelings that make me go insane while you laugh on the outside and feel something you cant tell me on the inside.

I'll finish.

HOLD ON.

How Are You Feeling?

tiffanyrafanan — 2009-12-11T09:44:04Z

Well, I've been sick as hell lately, and I am on my damn curve...So this might as well be a short one.

I'm Waiting On A Damn Miracle.

tiffanyrafanan — 2009-12-05T05:50:00Z

I'm finally gonna accept the fact that he is done, that he is done with everything.Done with me, done with us....Done with everything we've been through, done with what he's put me through. I can no longer sleep without having to think, and dream :/

If Only...

tiffanyrafanan — 2009-12-02T22:04:00Z

I am not what he needs, most definite...What he wants. It seems to me that he never knows what he wants. It's as if he's confused. But, if he doesnt know what he wants...Obviously, he doesnt want me :/ He never wanted me, I'm gonna learn to accept the fact that I can never make him happy, and prolly never did.

I Like This.

tiffanyrafanan — 2009-11-30T02:50:00Z

I like how I'm waiting on a damn miracle, that only one day things will get better. That Gavin will ever be the same. It's an impossible way to think but, it's worth the try? That only one day he'll be the boy he was...The one I fell in love with. The one that meant the world to me. I'm tired of it. I'm tired of having so much faith into someone that gave up on something he started and brought me into. I just wish....I knew what was running through his mind, more so for him to be able to tell me everything like how he used too. He just isnt the same. He doesn tell me anything anymore and it hurts, you dont even know.

Only This Certain Feeling Is What I Call A True Feeling.

tiffanyrafanan — 2009-11-20T09:06:00Z

Only time will tell for sure if things will get better between us but,I know it never will. So this is the part...Where I forget about him, where I tell myself he never existed :/ as hard as that is. As hard as it seems, I gotta give it a shot. I mean, technically, he never came around, he was never there. So, you know...I honestly, dont know how he got to me. How all of a sudden...Some kid comes around and just blahblahblah, next thing you know he's entitled as the "boyfriend" like really? How did that happen? I dont even know! All I know...Is that, oh god! I just remembered, that when I wasnt with the kid I was calling him "my love" oh, jeeeze! WTF is wrong with me? I dont think I liked him at the time, I mean that wouldnt be possible.....I-I-I-I don't know what's wrong with me, holy shit. I need a damn therapist. I shouldnt have been "feeeeeeeeeeling" like that! Those "feelings" should have been non-existed.

Please, Take My Breath Away.

tiffanyrafanan — 2009-11-17T00:28:00Z

I no longer want to feel alive, and I no longer want to think and wonder. All I can think of is you. All I can reminisce of is you, dreams, and all. All of it, is all because of you. I'm putting up with life, for you. You have become my inspiration for everything, everything I do....You'd be it's every reasoning, I'm constantly feeling like this, feeling like I'm at fault because the truth is, maybe I am. All I've ever done was let you down, and my best was never good enough. I cant stand to feel like this, knowing I could never make you happy....Sadly, I'll never be the one that you want, more so to even need. I hate the fact knowing that I wasnt planning on any of this, and you took control of everything. I should have stopped when it went to far. When all of your fake thoughts went through me and having me believe in every bit of it, and sadly...It wasnt real. None of it was, I just wish I kept my eyes open to realize all of that, I only hope you can find yourself someone that you can make happy as much as you've done for me.

Wow.

tiffanyrafanan — 2009-11-14T23:20:00Z

As amazing, as it seems...Gavin Esmeralda, I am breathing only for you & You grew an inch ;) Whoo hoo, you're getting so close to becoming my personal ladder, ahah naw. Today? Was mkay. I went out and it was mkay. Just mkay :/ Oh, I'm gettin' thoughts that I'm never gonna see Gavin, here I am....Supposably, I'm in "love" with a boy that I've never seen, and well, just seems like it'll never happen, time to give up? I think so.

I Just Thought...

tiffanyrafanan — 2009-11-14T02:26:00Z

I just thought....Maybe I should start using this again. First entry? Good idea? Bright idea? Yeah, thought so. Today? I had school today, did I go? Naw, I didnt. Why? Because I'm fucked up, ahah naw. Sam and I changed our minds! But, today? Has been mkay. Not the best, & usually, my days dont go so damn good anyways, so it's aight. Mary Jane Smiles seems be having a breakdown lately, over some kid. Some ugly screamo punk faced kid. Honestly, he doesnt seem worth the time, haha lose money and he seems like a real asshole, aint gonna lie. On the real? Seemed like he only wanted one thing from her. Which is? To hit and run, if you know what I mean....If you understand the way I speak, altho the only person that does would be Gavin Esmeralda ;) aha. Wow, nowdays we dont even talk anymore and when we do....It's not even the same :/, it kinda sucks in a way...Just wish things would turn around for us & be the same, n' just hopefully on the 28th of this month, we can go to Owl City together and Mae. Hmm, hmm.

I miss everything about you :/